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Thread: Thoughts on how to help a teen be less self-focused?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    6,200

    Default Thoughts on how to help a teen be less self-focused?

    I'm so frustrated with one of my teens who only seems to care about himself. He struggles with self-control in some ways. (ADHD) He is not badly behaved at all outside of home. I get the brunt of it here though.

    Teen boys have been SO VERY HARD!!!
    Leslie Nelsen, Family Room Moderator
    Wife to Roger, Mom to Christopher (25) married to Emily, Rebecca (22), Joshua (19), Isaiah (17), Daniel (14), and Eliana Joy (11).

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    East Tennessee
    Posts
    4,995

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    I actually did a double take and thought, "Did I actually start that post I thought of the other day?" I was just thinking that about Jacob... his general mindset is really just about his happiness, though he isn't difficult or anything. He just wants whatever is happening to him at each moment to be his idea and his idea of fun.

    The thoughts I had about it were that his life is awfully easy. He has no idea what sort of challenges many people go through each day, and the more I can get him being helpful to others, the better off he will be.

    He also started a new job at Chick Fil A. (This is his first job.) I think it will help train him to observe the world around him, be self controlled with his thoughts and give him some practice at not being self-focused all day. It also forces him to participate for long stretches of time doing the mature work of not choosing your own destiny.

    Homeschooling kind of allows self-focus, in our world, anyway. He does chores and participates around the house, but his little world is pretty isolated and his free time is Jacob focused. That's what I'm trying to change.

    Maybe get him interacting with others (where he will choose to behave socially appropriately, more nicely than we do with our own families) more often?
    Melissa, Five in a Row Staff - Community Manager
    Married 19 years to Robert. Homeschooling Jacob, 16, and Mattie, 12 all the way through.

    "Once your enemy, now seated at your table. Jesus, thank you!" ~ Sovereign Grace Music

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Tsukuba-shi, Japan
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    3,404

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    What about doing some sort of community service or missions work? Maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter or with habitat for humanity or a church missions project. It could be a family project or something he does on it's own. Perhaps, being exposed to some of the difficulties that others face would help him to have a broader perspective. As a bonus it looks great on college applications.
    Lindsey Carter
    Wife to Chris for 19 years and Mom to Wesley 15, Adelaide 14 and Hudson 11

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    6,200

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    Thanks to both of you!

    Melissa - I'm glad I'm not alone in this! Though sorry others are seeing it too.

    I like the idea of community service. He is active in serving in our church, but I think doing some other things would be a good idea too. Serving in the community is a great option. I just need to find a suitable place.

    He did come and apologize for the incident that started my rant here. He usually comes around, but I would like for this to happen more quickly for him.
    Leslie Nelsen, Family Room Moderator
    Wife to Roger, Mom to Christopher (25) married to Emily, Rebecca (22), Joshua (19), Isaiah (17), Daniel (14), and Eliana Joy (11).

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